I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
