isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
