found the other keg... it's in the tree
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
