my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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