i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
