I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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