I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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