Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Randomize