a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize