i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
stop calling my apartment porn island.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
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