Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
