And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
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