He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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