i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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