honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
