I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
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