Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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