We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
