Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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