This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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