he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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