Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
