Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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