I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize