it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
