Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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