I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
