No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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