So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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