Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
