you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize