omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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