Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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