I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
you never un-have a 4some
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
