ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
