How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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