Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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