Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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