i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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