When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
