There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
