Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
i think i just lost a toe
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
