then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Randomize
