Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
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