Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
