we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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