I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
This baby is an asshole
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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