I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
