So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Randomize
