I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
