no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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