whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
