wrigley field is MILF paradise
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
