Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
