Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
