Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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