feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
This house was built for laser tag.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
