I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
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