i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
