Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I'm passing your future prison.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
