i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
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