is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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