I cannot find my penis.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize