i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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