Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I don't think brook has ever known best
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Randomize
