Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
