Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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