this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
