I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
