you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
