she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
