just tell him i said nine months
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Randomize
