remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
