Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I had to cum in my sink.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
