there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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