mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
