On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I just had sex on a roof
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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